Empathy course graduate and Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today taken a break from his weekly vacation to show voters he is not a psycho. “I have a heart, and I know what the common man wants,” explained Morrison. “And if I know people, I’m certain what they’re desperate for is a bill to ban trans children from schools.”
Asked whether it might be better to spend his limited time in parliament focusing on issues like the rapidly inflating price of food, or the mass unemployment gripping the country, or even legislating the ICAC the government just announced they don’t have time to create, the Prime Minister explained that making trans children illegal was simply too important to put off another day. “The one thing the public says when they come up to me in the street is ‘Scott, when are you going to deal with all these transgender children in schools’,” explained Morrison. “Well when I say ‘public’ it’s more the religious lobby, and by ‘come up to me’ I mean ‘buy me a $500 lunch’ but the point still stands – it’s clearly the topic of the moment.”
Asked whether maybe the government could also do something about the huge number of elderly people dying from the covid outbreak in aged care homes, Morrison laughed. “God, as if anyone cares about that!” chuckled Morrison. “You people really don’t understand what the public want. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to buy a $30 bottle of milk. That should make those idiots think I’m one of them.”
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