The Australian public has today lumped praise and adoration on the Morrison government for their quick thinking in trying to make it legal for businesses to fire gay people while Omicron had everyone distracted. “My god, could you imagine what life would be like now if homosexuals were allowed to find employment?” said one woman. “Speaking of which, if any homosexuals would like to apply for a job at my shop, we desperately need staff to pack shelves right now, deviant or not.”
The public have also praised the Morrison government for not letting small distractions like “safeguarding hospitals”, “buying enough RAT tests”, “planning booster logistics”, or “making sure everyone has food” get in the way of much more important issues, like posting crucial pictures of Scott Morrison cooking fish. “Could you imagine the mess we’d be in now if the public hadn’t been provided with that vital footage of Morrison sitting in the VIP box at the cricket?” asked one starving child who still hasn’t received a vaccine. “I’m just glad I’m not living in one of those dictatorships like New Zealand where they have 30 daily Covid cases and complete freedom to do what they want. What a hellscape that must be.”
If you enjoyed this article, consider becoming a contributor to the Chaser Beer Fund. For just $1 a month you can help us employ 20 more interns.