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Fears of super spreader event after single man visits 7 billion houses in one night

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Contact tracers are in a race against the clock tonight, after learning one man checked in at over 500,000 venues this week, many of which contained Covid positive residents. “I don’t know what this individual was thinking,” raged the head of the NSW health department tonight. “Rest assured we have put out a warrant, and he will be facing a hefty fine of $2000 per residence visited. In other news the $200 billion budget deficit is solved.”

However, the man, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, says that the number of houses visited has been massively overstated, and that he barely visited half that number. “Ho ho ho! What a joke, no I never visit the houses of the poor,” laughed Santa. “No I always make sure to spend most of my time and money giving huge expensive presents to the richest of children. In fact I often skip the poorer countries all together.”

“I also had to give Western Australia a miss this year thanks to the borders being closed,” he continued. “As a result I’m afraid there’ll be no coal this Christmas. All the naughty kids are going to have to make do with solar panels.”

We’ve Already Come Too Far To End This Now.

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