Mining Magnate and part time dumpster fire Clive Palmer has today been rushed to hospital for no particular reason. Suffering only mildly deadly symptoms, Clive was whisked away in an ambulance today because doctors wanted to compliment Clive on just how healthy and not-dying he is.
However, some inside reports have suggested that Clive may not actually be doing so well, and that Covid may actually be a dangerous, deadly disease. “My god, if only there was some way to have known this,” Clive was heard telling ambulance staff. “Alas, nobody could have known Covid might be dangerous.”
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“Why didn’t the government do more to stop this virus?” gasped Clive while an anti-lockdown UAP ad blared from his hospital TV. “We need to close the borders and lock everyone down immediately!”
However, Clive’s anti-Covid message was slightly contradicted by the pro-Covid message from Clive’s arch enemy “Clive Palmer from a week ago” who is currently showing up on every YouTube video and TV screen across the country informing people that you can manage Covid at home. “It’s just a flu,” explained Clive. “Wait, what do you mean the flu is also deadly? My god, I’m starting to think my 5 minute degree in Google Medicine might not be entirely reliable.”